


careless and love drunk

by kwitegay



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Developing Relationship, George has Anxiety, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I go crazy with the descriptions sometimes, Love, M/M, Will is a sweetheart, mutual pining??, realizing sexuality, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-06 09:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18848035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwitegay/pseuds/kwitegay
Summary: " George can't seem to clear his mind, these thoughts drifting through his mind like a thick black smoke he couldn't wave away. His fingers twitch to pull Will in, kiss him senseless, take all his pain away.Will is like moonlight - not sunlight, because that's blinding and it hurts. Will, however, is something bright and beautiful in the middle of the dark thicket of night, radiating through the clouds of George's mind smoke. "George doesn't realize he's fallen for Will until he's already in too deep.





	1. tether

**Author's Note:**

> once again i'm self projecting on a character i write but. basically george is struggling with anxiety and will is there for him - in turn, he realizes that he's really in love with him.

The club was loud. Too loud. 

That's all George can seem to muster up in a way to describe his absolute disdain for the environment around him. The alcohol tickles at his nerves, making his brain short circuit in the place where he'd normally say more. The music shook the walls, the dancers in front of him all erratic and somehow in perfect sync - he'd lost his friends. 

He's sure Alex and James are off somewhere snogging, and maybe it's for the best seeing as George has grown tired of the PDA. Fraser is somewhere, most likely a confused puppy trying to meander his way through the people he struggled to understand. He didn't want to be here anymore. He'd decided it roughly fifteen minutes after they arrived in the club, but not being able too find anyone he'd come with had begun to be a real nuisance. 

He steps outside. The music is muffled by the brick wall but still too loud, he thinks as he fishes out his phone from his jacket pocket. 

"Ello ello!" The voice on the other side chimes after a few rings. 

"Hey," George breathes, leaning against the brick that poked at him ever so slightly in the back through his clothing. "Can you come pick me up?"

"Not having fun?" Will teases, rustling on the other end being his answer. 

George sighs, ducking his head as people walk by, wanting no possibility of eye contact, "Don't wanna be here."

Will's voice softens, "At the usual club, right? I'll be on my way."

George stifles a smile, glancing upwards at the sky. There would be stars out, if the light pollution of London hadn't ruined that experience. He likes the stars. Misses them.

When Will arrives, he greets George with a warm smile; The door shuts and George immediately sighs, "God, I don't think I like going out anymore."

"Used to be every other night," Will chuckles, fingers lightly drumming on the steering wheel. George likes watching him drive - it's calming in a way, the mans eyes focused on the road and bobbing his head to the music that was just barely playing out the speakers. 

"Dunno. Anxieties been acting up, I reckon," He shrugs, elbow resting on the center consul, "Mind if I go up to yours? Don't wanna be alone."

Will smiles at him, eyes still trained on the road, and nods, "Course, mate! Gee is out of town this weekend so we can be dumb fucks without waking her."

George slides his shoes off and tucks his knees to his chest, chin resting on them as he watches the lights blur out the window. It dings in his head during car rides that every person he passes has a life of their own; the cars, the people idly standing outside the buildings, the people in the other apartments. They all had their own anxieties, and that alone makes George's head spin. 

His eyes slip closed eventually. 

"George?"

"Hm?"

"Just making' sure you didn't fall asleep on me. I could probably carry you into the lift but I don't think you'd like that."

George huffs out of his nose, smile tapping at his lips as he leans his head against the car seat. Will's presence alone managed to calm his anxiety in seconds, warmth brushing across his skin. "Probably should've told everyone I was leaving."

"Texted Al' before I left to grab you. Figured you'd forget," Will teases, making George's chest swell. 

"Thank you."

The rest of the night is quiet. They sit on the couch, playing FIFA, laughing and making fun of each other. George tries to wrestle the controller out of Will's hand at one point, tossing one of his legs over Will's and keeping it there, locked in a small declaration of intimacy that neither cared to define. 

That was the thing about their friendship - walking the line of being best mates and a little more, but neither wanted to admit that. Neither felt the need to, at that point in time.

Will had come out to his friends as bi a while ago, after asking Alex many questions, but George? The thought of identifying any way other than straight made his blood run cold. 

He blinks, washing away all thoughts straying from what he considered his norm, and tosses the controller on the coffee table. 

"Rubbish."

Will laughs, leg shifting a bit under George's but not moving it all the same, "You only say that cause you lost, boss."

George rolls his eyes, chuckling gently and slumping against the couch, "How bout we watch a movie?"

Will agrees, selecting something random from Netlfix and putting it on. George feels sleep reaching out to him, inviting him in, and though he tries to fight it, his attempts are in vain. 

When we wakes up, he's still on the couch, but his face is pressed into a shoulder, cheek numb and soft snoring next to his ear. 

It's Will, he realizes, arm behind his back and seemingly fast asleep. His first instinct is to move, push his friend away and act like he's never been partially sleeping on him, but he reconsiders. 

Will is _warm_ , and though the numbness of his cheek is a little uncomfortable, it feels nice to be against him. Refreshing, even. 

So, despite his better, more heterosexual judgment, he adjusts so he's more on his chest than shoulder, and falls asleep again. 

The second time he wakes up, first thing he sees is the bright light of Will's phone out of the corner of his vision, one thumb scrolling aimlessly through instagram. 

He leans up, turning to look at Will and being met with a smile. 

"Hey," He smiles, yawning and covering his mouth. He's cute, George thinks - in a straight way, of course.

Will's hair is sticking up in the back, half of his face illuminated in the soft yellow light peeking through his living room curtains. 

"You been up long?" George asks, stretching out his legs off the couch. 

"Nah, just ten minutes or so. Didn't wanna wake you."

George, had it been anyone else, would've teased them for being soft or whatever, but instead he settles on a smile as his cheeks warm. "I want coffee."

"Me too," Will deadpans with wide eyes, "Don't got any though."

They settle on going up to George and Alex's flat to get coffee because they're top A on priorities. 

When they enter, unfortunately, they walk in on Alex and James flirting heavily in the kitchen. 

A silly comment, a giggle, a loud kiss on the lips. 

"Gross," George mutters, scooting passed them to get to the Keurig. 

Alex rolls his eyes, muttering 'virgin' under his breath - almost like he was asking for Gorge to smack him in the arm.

George feels a weird rush of something when he turns around and sees his three friends existing - he can't quite call it sadness, but it felt heavy. 

He felt a bit disconnected from it all, the way James' thumb brushed softly across Alex's hand. The way Will gestured as he talked, fingers splayed and ranting about some occurrence. Alex's bursts of laughter, eyes squeezed shut. 

He feels like he's on the outside, a part of a completely different story than the other three. It's jarring. 

 

He suddenly gets all too overwhelmed, a lump in his throat. He mutters some sort of excuse, leaving the kitchen with the coffee half made, his guest left with their other friends, and tears beginning to sting at his eyes.

He closes the bathroom door behind him, hands gripping the sink and shutting his eyes tightly.

"Fuck," he mumbles, head hanging in desperation. A soft rapping on the door makes him jump, Will's soft and concerned voice ringing from the other side. 

"George," he asks, "Mate, are you okay?"

George rubs his eyes, fingers raising to prod his temple in exasperation, "Can't breathe well."

The world seemed to be closing in on him, a tight compression in his chest and his throat. 

Will cracks open the door and slips through it, shutting it behind him and leaning against the wood as he examines the situation. Will's presence alone isn't enough to calm him this time - but George feels arms wrap around him, loving and solid. He falls apart. 

"Go away," George squeaks from the back of his throat, clinging to Will's shirt all the same. He holds the fabric between his fingers, face buried deep in the other mans neck.  

Will doesn't leave. He doesn't let go. He holds George to him, fingers gently rubbing circles on his back and breathing even and gentle. George doesn't like crying - doesn't like showing such weakness. It's embarrassing, or at least it would be if he could think of anything other than the panic ricocheting through his mind. 

Will feels like a tether to reality, keeping him grounded and sane in a world he'd struggled so much recently to understand. 

"What's going on?" Will asks after George calms down a little, not letting go of him just yet.

"Don't even know," He scoffs, "That's the problem, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me!"

Will grips his shoulders, pulling back so he can look him in the eyes, "There is _nothing_ wrong with you."

George could argue, like he wants to. He could list all the things he believes he's messed up on, or his faults that haunt him constantly. Instead, he wipes his eyes and nods curtly.

It all seems to happen in flashes; Will hugs him once more. George splashes his face with water. Will rubs his back as they walk down the hallway. 

Alex and James don't ask questions - they know better.

Will makes an excuse to stay over that night, scrolling through his phone beside George in bed, staying up until he's fast asleep to make sure he doesn't need anything. 

He's gone when George wakes up the next morning, but there's a warm spot where he once lay and an explanation on his phone. He misses him immediately, an empty presence where he was. 

George curses at himself for thinking it - but he wouldn't mind sleeping next to Will more often. 

Fuck, the thinks. He's in too deep. 


	2. figure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shit I - I'm sorry, I went too fast didn't I-"
> 
> "No," George whispers, "I just..."
> 
> "Ah," Jordan says, voice understanding rather that upset, "It's him, the boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update update!! honestly im enoying writing this a lot, and next chapter will be the last (unless i for some reason wanna make it a bit longer, we'll see) so get ready for gay shit folks!

The rainy London weather had grown to match George's mood perfectly, which he thought ironic all things considered.

A half edited video had been staring him in the face for hours - though to no avail, it lacked completion, “God,” He said, then louder, “Fuck all of this.”

He enjoyed his job - what could be more perfect than a job in which he could make his own hours and have complete control? The stress of it had begun to slowly weigh on his shoulders - that among other things.

He adjusts his hair, hand slipping to rest on his forehead in utter defeat. His thumb hovers over the call button, chewing his lip red and a sigh escaping his lips. 

"George!" Will states, as if the caller may have forgotten their own name. 

“Ello,” George almost smiles, fingers picking stray strings from his sock.

“Was thinkin’ about you - not in a creepy way, just wonderin’ if you wanted to pop over? Help with a video?”

“I think I’m dying, Will.”

The line is silent before the taller huffs a laugh, “What? Are you okay, mate?”

George shuts his laptop with a sigh, hand finding its way back to rub his temple in exasperation, “God I just - I can’t do this anymore. I need to get out -  _away_  maybe, I just - Need a break before I lose my  _mind_.”

“Break from what?”

George glances upwards, fingers tightening on his phone, "Everything. London, the goddamn rain, youtube..." He trails off, "I'm not gonna tell people where I am - besides you because you're the least insufferable."

"You're leaving?" Will asks, voice twisted with something George hurt to identify.

"For a few days, yeah. I just need a break, Will," George feels his throat tighten, voice becoming croaky. 

He hears rustling on the other line before in a quiet voice, Will says, "George do you - hold on, I'm getting my shoes on, I'll be to yours in just a minute, can I come over? I think I need to come over -"

"Please don't," George chokes, "If I see you I feel like I'll want to stay, and I can't. Not right now."

There's a silence, so deafening that it hurts, but Will speaks up soon enough, 

"Am I gonna be able to call you?"

George almost laughs, "Please."

Will sighs through his nose, rustling becoming nonexistent, "Stay safe, okay George? And don't leave for too long."

He hangs up a few minutes later, phone dropping into his lap and bouncing to the bed. Tired. 

It takes him an hour to decide where to go - friends from high school and family acquaintances, but he needs a break from people he knows, who have expectations. 

He decides to go to a hotel on the edge of London - he needed to get away. It would be fine, he thinks. Fine.

At least that's what he kept telling himself as he trudges off the train, backpack tossed over his shoulder and chest twisted in apprehension.

He gets an uber and the car ride is fairly silent. George contemplates before he texts Will,  _'staying just outside London, im alive x'._

He wishes Will wasn't always on his mind. On the train, the uber, even walking down the hallway to his hotel room, sliding the card into the door. 

The hotel room itself is cozy, a bed, a desk, a loveseat next to the balcony, and a lovely marble bathroom. It's fairly affordable for a hotel of this comfort level, but the second he sits down he feels guilt rise in his head. 

Guilt for leaving Alex without so much as a word. Guilt for not telling anyone besides Will - guilt for telling Will, who always assumed he had something to do with others' negative mental health.

_'miss u already x'_

George stares at the text on his phone, chest turning like he was being stabbed.  _'shut up x'_  he responds, gazing at the contact photo for Will, him laughing all blurry.  

_'take as much time as u need'_

_'but come home soon'_

_'x'_

He collapses back on the bed, eyes screwing shut as he thinks of what the hell he's gonna do now. He's alone, in a hotel room, with just a few changes of clothes, his phone, and laptop. 

He regrets it almost, coming here. He listens to music, watches people pass by on the streets, watching the sun set. He gets a string of texts from Alex, 

_'Will said ur taking a break'_

_'Proud of u'_

_'Coulda told me tho :P'_

He shoots back an apology, going to twitter. On an impulse, he tweets 'Sometimes, breaks are necessary.' and deletes the twitter app off his phone. That's it. An official break - besides the Instagram app staying where it is.

_'mind if i call u? x'_

George wants to hear his voice. Badly. 

"Well if it isn't George Memeulous!" Will's cheery voice calls out, and George already feels the need to smile. 

"You're a bellend," George says, but it comes out a bit softer than he intended. 

"Enjoying your break yet?"

"A bit lonely, if I'm to be honest," He sighs, cracking open the hotel balcony door and sitting against the wall, legs outstretched. "Hotel's nice though."

"Right and well," Will hums, and George imagines him, leaning against his headboard, phone pressed to his ear, fingers prodding at the fabric of his jeans. 

"The world still turnin' without me there?" George jokes. 

"Barely," Will mumbles, a little too deadpan for George's liking, "I - I'm glad you're taking a break, I really am, but It's weird to think you're not just a few steps away."

George had taken vacations before, and Will had his tour, but this felt different. He missed him, despite having seen him just a few days before. He misses him.

"I don't think I can stand being here for more than a few days," George replies, "Don't worry."

They call for a while, but Will seemed a bit awkward after that, swallowing loudly and pausing often like he wasn't fully there. 

Eventually George says goodnight, putting his phone away and falling asleep. 

The next day, George wakes up and feels the need to check twitter. He doesn't, though, going to instagram instead. It's startling, the amount of people tagging him in screenshots of something he didn't recognize. 

They were pictures of Will from and instagram live, puffy eyes and a serious face. It's not on Will's profile, so he must have deleted it, but it takes him seconds to find a video on youtube of a screen recording. 

It opens and Will stares at the screen for a few seconds, watching people shuffle in to watch him. 

"Hey everyone," He greets, voice croaky, "Having a rough time right now so if you don't mind I'm gonna talk out of my ass for a minute and hope it helps."

He reads allowed a comment asking how he is and says, "Quite shit, actually!" He laughs, fingers rubbing at his chin. George feels a churn in his chest, not liking the direction. 

"I think - I think I fucked up, guys," He starts, "I don't - I told myself this wasn't gonna happen, that I wasn't gonna feel this way, but I am and I do."

He rubs his forehead, a stressed hand running through his hair, "I fucking - unrequited feelings are the bloody worst, aren't they? And the thing is, I want nothing more than to make this person happy, and smile, but it feels so useless."

A stir of jealousy ripples through George as he listens, a bubble in his stomach. 

"And not only that," He starts, "But the world is closing in on me, and I feel like nothing is good enough for anyone, especially. . ."

He trails off, swallowing. George can see tears in the corners of his eyes, the recording ends. 

_'u okay mate?'_

_'why wouldnt i be'_

_'saw a vid of ur live'_

_'course. im fine, really, but gotta figure some stuff out'_

_'im here if u need me x'_

_'love you x'_

_'love you'_

It's a short exchange, but it makes George's chest flutter all the same. 

Bored, George goes around the town mindlessly, entering shops and buying little thing; candles, books, trinkets. 

He puts everything back in his hotel room, itching for going out again. He googles clubs around the area, settling on one within walking distance. 

It's a mix of familiar and foreign, the music and lights reminding him of nights he'd spent with Alex, James, Fraser, and _Will_. 

He sits at the bar, ordering drinks as he shakes his leg vaguely to the beat.

He feels someone sit next to him. He's a fairly young looking bloke, around the same age as George, with clear blue eyes and blonde hair swept back. 

"You look lonely," he says, holding a fruity looking cocktail with black painted nails. 

"Is that your version of a pick-up line?" George jokes, sipping his rum. 

The boy smiles, "Yeah, kinda."

George chokes a little, not expecting him to genuinely be flirting with him, "Why?"

He raises his eyebrows, "Uh, cause you're cute and pretty nonthreatening looking?"

"I could be threatening if I wanted to," George pouts, kicking gently at the bar's base. 

"Sure," The boy chuckles, "Got a name?"

"George," He says, turning in his stool to look at him better, "And you?"

"Jordan. So I have to ask, cause I could continue flirting helplessly, or we could have a friendly conversation on why you look so depressed at a bar I've never seen you at," He says, setting down his glass, "Are you gay?"

George blinks, "Uh," He whispers, eyes flickering down to his lap, "Dunno."

"Ah," The man says, unsurprised, "Unsure. Wanna talk about it?"

And he does - so he talks. He talks about being confused, about Will, about his anxiety - because this boy is pretty, and nice, and gives him some pretty damn good advice. 

"It seems to me like you really like this guy, and if you went to a different city to run away from that, then you have some things you two need to talk about."

"It's not just him, though," George insists, "It's everything."

The boy sighs, "Listen, George, I've been there - I've done the whole pretending I wasn't into that, but the way you talk about this guy? He means a lot to you, and running away from romantic feelings never works."

George knows he's right, despite not wanting to admit it, and after he downs the rest of his drink he says, "Never done anything with a boy, even. Not even kissed one!"

Jordan shrugs, leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, firm and soft. It surprises George at first, but his lips taste like sangria and chapstick, and he melts into it.

Jordan pulls back, "Not much different than kissing a girl, right?"

George feels his cheeks warm, "I - mhm."

"Sorry if that was unwarranted, just wanna help you figure things out."

It takes barely a few minutes.

George's back is against the bathroom wall before he can think properly, fingers grabbing at his shoulder to pull him closer.

He smells like a bonfire and something fruity, and his hands are all over George.

It feels good to kiss someone he barely knows with no strings attached, and the fact that he's a boy crosses his mind of course, but at this point he can't even care.

Jordan slips his fingers under his shirt, feeling up and down him and moving down to kiss his neck.

He bites gently, making George gasp and fist the fabric of his shirt. He closes his eyes as he feels the man suck a mark on the base of his neck.

All too quickly he thinks about Will, for the first time in ten minutes, and it brings everything down. He feels his chest constrict, and suddenly his hands are pushing Jordan away lightly.

"Shit I - I'm sorry, I went too fast didn't I-"

"No," George whispers, "I just..."

"Ah," Jordan says, voice understanding rather that upset, "It's him, the boy."

George drops his hands from Jordan's shoulders, relieved the bathroom is empty, and hands his head.

"Hey hey, it's alright George," Jordan assures, "We don't have to do anything, I just wanted to give you a little break from your thoughts."

George nods, "And thank you, I guess I have learned a little about myself..."

Jordan pulls him into a hug, patting his back gently.

Will hadn't even been on his mind a few minutes ago, and suddenly a thick pool of guilt lay deep within his chest.

Jordan pays for his uber home and gives him his number for "friendly advice reasons", and now George sit alone in his hotel room once again.

Two days he's been here. Away from everyone. Away from Will. And already he went from identifying as straight, to making out with a boy in a bar bathroom.

He crawls into the freshly fixed sheets, the soft linen feeling like an escape from all the worries tickling at his skin.

He presses the call button on Will's contact, sniffing as he waits for it to ring.

"George!" Will greets, smile in his voice.

"Can I - Can I just talk for a minute?"

Will is silent for a second, before he carefully answers, "Of course."

"I went to a bar tonight and it was cool, you know, just like bars in London but less youtubers."

Will laughs but doesn't interrupt, so George keeps going, "And long story short I had a really long talk with a guy and then ended up making out with him."

Will sputters, "I - what?"

"I know, I know," he sighs, "I needed to tell someone, I'm still not fully comfortable with the whole liking blokes thing, and it's been absolutely killing me, Will."

"George, I - you know this doesn't change anything, right?"

"I know," he whispers, fingers prodding at his temples, "Will... I don't know who I am. I don't, I thought I did, but every single bloody second I feel like my identity is slipping through my fucking fingertips."

"George," Will breathes, all gentle and sad, "George, bud, you're okay, it's okay," his voice is choked and it startled George a bit,

"Are you okay?"

"You know I care for you, right? I love you, mate, and you - you scare me a bit, with all the running off and edgy words but I fucking - I love you."

It's there, a tight flutter from his chest to his stomach, "I love you," he responds, "I miss you, you fucking blockhead," he attempts a laugh, throat feeling even tighter.

"When do you think you'll be back?" Will asks, sounding not much smoother than George himself, "Stay as long as you need but - I miss you, mate."

"Tomorrow, I'll ride back tomorrow," George decides, right then and there, "I don't know who I am right now, but, I don't know if I can keep figuring it out alone."

Will laughs lightly, waiting a moment before he asks, "Can you stay on the phone for a little? Don't know if I can sleep alone tonight and having you here is a bit of a comfort."

And yes, that was extremely gay, George realizes, but it feels exhilarating to hear and he's agreeing instantly, "Yeah, yeah I can do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments/kudos appreciated!!

**Author's Note:**

> well, that was chapter 1!! i'd really appreciate a kudos or some feedback in the comments if you want some more!! part two to come soonish


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